TRANSITION TO COLLEGE
Change. Huge change. That pretty much sums up what both you and your son or daughter will experience when he or she heads off to college. This change can be good, sad, exciting, scary, lonely, or a combination thereof. Most always it involves some stress – both for parents and their students.
For students, this often represents the first time they are living away from home. Academic expectations increase. A major and a career need to be chosen. Grown children become responsible for their own finances. New relationships are formed and old ones are redefined. The developmental stage of identity development is at its peak. There is increased pressure to have more than good grades in college, as employers look for well-rounded resumes with volunteer experience and evidence of college involvement. Rising tuition causes students to work longer hours or increase debt. Research confirms these changes, and experientially we all know life has sped up since a generation ago. These stressors can and do affect functioning.
Similarly, parents may also experience a great deal of stress. Most parents experience a wide range of emotions when their son or daughter leaves home. While there is often pride and excitement, for most there is also great loneliness and sadness. There is concern over a son’s or daughter’s choices, performance, maybe even safety, at school. Expect this range of emotions.
HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER
- Stay connected! Although your son or daughter will become more autonomous during this time, they need to know you are still available and that the door is still open. Write, e-mail, send care packages, or call. Parents’ weekend is a good time to visit.
- While number one is true, it is also important to allow for more space. Letting your son or daughter know you are there does not mean demanding to know all the details. Let them know you respect their privacy and decisions and show confidence in their ability to handle college.
- Expect mixed messages. Your son or daughter may welcome your advice one day and reject it the next. While the “help/don’t help” messages from your college student are frustrating, your job is to provide a steady supportive foundation and home base. Ask them if they want your input or advice. Remind them of the new skills they are developing. Pat them on the back for successes.
- Be specific about financial matters, what you will and won’t pay for. You want to avoid misunderstandings and assumptions.
- Do not expect your son or daughter to be your main support person. While it is important to keep them up-to-date with news from home, do not burden them with your problems. If you miss them terribly, do not make them feel they need to take care of you. If you are going through major changes, don't use your son or daughter for therapy or put them in the middle of conflicts.
- Know the college resources and encourage your son or daughter to access them. For academic issues students should contact their professors or advisor. Academic support services are available through the Academic Skills Center. General advising is available through Advising and Retention. The Registrar’s office deals with class schedules and records. There is an International Services and Cross-Cultural Outreach Program as well as a Cultural Diversity Office. A more complete list of resources can be found in the current WSU undergraduate catalog or under the “Student Life” link on the WSU homepage (www.winona.edu).
- Know the Winona community resources. The Counseling Center does not provide long-term counseling. If you know your son or daughter will need long-term counseling while at college, explore the community resources prior to their move. The transition will go more smoothly if support is already in place.
ROLE OF COUNSELING
If you are reading this, you are already aware that WSU has a Counseling Center. We are designed to offer short-term counseling to students around most personal or career issues. Studies have shown that counseled students have a higher retention rate compared to uncounseled peers. Other studies have shown that if a student is connected to even just one person on campus, retention rate increases.
MENTAL HEALTH TRENDS ON CAMPUS
Of the students who came to the Counseling Center for personal counseling during 2003-2004 school year, over 50% were seen for depression, suicide risk, anxiety, or stress management. Approximately 26% of all students seen at the Counseling Center during this same year were seen for career counseling. We see several hundred students annually.
Nationwide, the treatment of depression, anxiety, stress, suicidal ideation, eating disorders and bipolar disorder are on the rise. Depression remains the number one mental health issue on college campuses. Nationwide15.7% of female college students and 8.5% of male college students have been diagnosed with depression sometime in their life. The National Institute of Mental Health reports 1.5 million college students suffer from depression each year. Many of these students are taking an antidepressant. In fact, the advances in and availability of medicine have made it possible for many students to attend and succeed in college that a generation ago would not have been able to. Less than 50% of people who suffer from depression seek help, yet depression is a highly treatable illness. Given the prevalence of depression on college campuses, we encourage all parents to be aware of the warning signs:
- A significantly depressed mood or absence of mood
- Inability to experience pleasure or feel interested in daily life
- Social withdrawal
- Reduced ability to cope with daily challenges
- Crying spells
- Insomnia or hypersomnia
- Fatigue or energy loss
- Significant change in eating patterns
- Diminished ability to concentrate
- Lack of motivation
- Difficulty making decisions
- Suicidal thoughts or feelings
- Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
- Increase in anxiety or irritability
Most students who attend college do not develop a major mental illness. Yet we know that if a major mental illness does emerge in an individual, the late teens and early 20s are the most vulnerable years.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE COUNSELING CENTER
Consultations
Counselors are willing to talk to parents to answer questions about the Counseling Center and to provide referral information or resources. We will listen and make attempts to problem solve with parents. Because your child is now a legal adult, we are not able to share specific information about him or her.
What does confidentiality mean for parents?
Confidentiality is an essential part of the counseling relationship and all counselors on staff maintain ethical and legal confidentiality with all students. If your son or daughter is 18 years old, he or she is an adult and has all the legal rights of adulthood. This means that we are not able to share information about your college student with you without his or her written permission. We are not able to confirm or deny if your son or daughter is seeing a counselor at the Center. We appreciate and understand parental concern, and if you are worried about your son or daughter, you are welcome to talk to an available counselor, understanding our limits in sharing information. The best way to receive information about your college student’s counseling is to talk directly to your son or daughter. If we are seeing your son or daughter and assess him or her to be at imminent risk for self-harm, confidentiality does not apply, and we will contact you.
Setting up an appointment for your son or daughter
The procedure is for your son or daughter to contact us directly to make an appointment. Your son or daughter will know his or her availability better than you. Experience has taught us that if a parent makes an appointment for the student, he or she is less likely to follow-through or be invested in counseling.
Insurance questions
While there are no fees for our services, we do encourage parents to know the mental health benefits of their insurance policies. Because we offer short-term counseling, there are times we refer students to community resources for longer-term counseling.
HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF?
Again, parents also experience a great deal of stress when their children go off to college. Keep in mind the following ways to support yourself through this transition.
- Expect to experience a range of emotions.
- Reach out to supportive friends.
- Renew old friendships.
- Let wellness be your goal – get adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise.
- Pursue old hobbies or long-awaited ones.
- Grab that book that has been gathering dust.
- Cook your favorite foods that your son or daughter would not touch.
- Volunteer.
- Be patient with change.
- Remember this too is part of your job as a parent – learning to let go.
- Celebrate the young adult your son or daughter is becoming.
HOW CAN I FIND OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT THIS TRANSTION?
Check out these web sites from other colleges. Also, please visit our many self-help links accessible from the self-help option on the home page.
College Times – on-line source of information put out by the New York Times:
www.nytimes.com/college/index.html
Alcohol, Other Drugs, and College: A Parent's Guide
http://www.edc.org/hec/pubs/parents.html
Source of information for parents of gay or lesbian students – PFLAG:
www.pflag.org/
Parent Survival Guide – website from Shenandoah University:
http://www.su.edu/studaffs/as9.asp
Coping Strategies and “Food for Thought” – website from University of Texas:
http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/parents/parents.html
What Parents Need to Know About College Drinking:
http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/reports/parents/default.aspx#involved
Suicide Prevention Education Information for Parents – website from New York State Office of Mental Health
http://www.omh.state.ny.us/omhweb/speak/speakcollege.htm
Parents and Loved Ones of Sexual Abuse and Rape Survivors
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/2656
Below is a partial list of resources for parents. Parents remain students' prime support and resource. It is therefore our hope that this information allows parents to be actively aware of some of the issues confronting their sons and daughters at college and will assist in keeping communication lines open.
- Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller
- Empty Nest...Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College by Andrea Van Steenhouse, Ph.D.
- Helping Your First Year College Student Succeed by Richard H. Mullendore and Cathie Hatch
- College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What to Do About It by Richard D. Kadison and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo
- Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger
- When Kids Go to College: A Parent's Guide to Changing Relationships by Barbara M. Newman and Philip Newman
