Sexual Violence Advisory Committee, Winona State University

COMMON FEELINGS OF SIGNIFICANT OTHERS (INCLUDING FAMILY)

• Concern for the victim.
• Confusion about how to deal with the trauma.
• Difficulty understanding why the assault or abuse happened.
• Helplessness – wanting to “fix” the situation so that life can “get back to normal.”
• Temporary loss of intimacy with the victim.
• Feeling out of control.
• Wanting to harm the perpetrator.
• Frustration with the legal and law enforcement systems.
• Difficulty expressing feelings, difficulty asking for help.
• Anger
• Guilt
• Shame

WAYS FOR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS TO DEAL WITH THESE FEELINGS

• Give support by listening, not trying to “fix” the situation.
• Find support for your feelings in a friend, family member, counselor, or advocate.
• Have patience and understand that the healing process takes time.
• Be sensitive.
• Reassure the victim many times that it is not their fault – that they did the best they could given the situation, and they survived the attack.

Adapted from the Sexual Violence Center of Hennepin County