Sexual Violence Advisory Committee, Winona State University

THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HEALTHY AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes abusive relationships are easy to identify; other times the abuse may take subtle forms. The examples shown here can help you identify traits of healthy or abusive relationships.

Healthy Relationships

Non-threatening Behavior

•  Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things

Honesty and Accountability

•  Accepting responsibility for self

•  Admitting being wrong

•  Communicating openly and truthfully

Respect

•  Listening to your partner non-judgmentally

•  Being emotionally affirming and understanding

•  Valuing opinions

Trust and Support

•  Supporting your partner’s goals in life

•  Respecting your partner’s right to his or her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions

Abusive Relationships

Using Emotional Abuse

•  Putting your partner down by making him or her feel bad about him/herself (name calling, humiliation, playing mind games)

•  Making your partner feel guilty

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

•  Making light of the abuse or saying it didn’t happen (shifting responsibility for abusive behavior or saying your partner caused the abuse)

Using Isolation

•  Controlling what your partner does, who he or she sees and talks to, what he or she reads, where he or she goes

•  Limiting your partner’s outside involvement

•  Using jealousy to justify actions

Using Intimidation

•  Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures

•  Smashing or destroying things or property or abusing pets

•  Displaying weapons

This information used with permission of the University of Minnesota Program Against Sexual Violence .